Solitude In Numbers
by Xx.Toxic.Little.KisseS.xX
Summary: It doesn't even scream - knowing, even as it shouldn't, that it can't feel anyway - AkuDemyRoku-angsty -


_It doesn't even scream - knowing, even as it shouldn't, that it can't feel anyway (AkuDemyRoku-angsty)_

_Kingdom hearts is way to uber to ever be mine - it owns me, not the other way around._

**Solitude in Numbers**

**One-**

It doesn't even scream.

No matter the pain and the wounds inflicted.

It doesn't even attempt to cry.

Knowing, even as it shouldn't, that it doesn't exist anyway.

It doesn't beg, doesn't ask, barely talks.

When finally a reaction is enticed, it's only a violently cold growl of, "and who the fuck are you," before it stalks away into the swell of ever-present darkness.

**Two-**

It calls itself Roxas once.

Once is all that's needed.

The name sticks, the attitude taken in.

It isn't left alone, but it's accepted.

And Roxas glares sharper than any dagger, even though its eyes shine brighter than any Nobody's ever should.

That crystalline baby-blue of untouchable will keep him hunted long after initiations are through.

**Three-**

It's blade's shine like hearts do.

Roxas doesn't comment on the weapons, doesn't comment on the missions assigned.

It doesn't really fight for them, but it fights their enemies, fights their battles.

Then it collapses amongst them.

For once just another number, another shell of a maybe-something-real.

**Four-**

It's almost irresistible in its inapproachability.

The rare times it talks, Nobody's sweep in to hear the hesitant words spoken.

Whenever it fights, Nobody's swarm to catch a glimpse of that almost-heart shine.

Water and Fire are the only ones who care enough not to get hissed and glared away.

Roxas doesn't acknowledge them near, but it listens when they interact.

**Five-**

Fire hears what Roxas doesn't say.

Hears the things so temptingly close to feelings, in all the silences it shares.

Water notices the way Roxas' wannabee heart sings.

Sways just close enough to hear the tune as Fire serenades the song itself; silent and beautiful in its own imposable way.

**Six-**

Roxas isn't stupid.

It's cold and curt and anti-existent.

But it isn't stupid.

It can hear Axels' flirtatious grin.

It can see Demyx's shy thoughts.

But, it isn't quite sure what it is it should be (could be) feeling.

**Seven-**

Roxas is strong beyond its bony adolescent body.

Wise beyond its year and a half of moving.

It fights and snaps and sleeps and watches.

For all the fighting, it's shocked eight and nine keep up.

Shocked, for all its growling and sneering, eight and nine keep trying.

**Eight-**

Demyx is not surprised to see Axel and Roxas together.

Not surprised when Axel loses control and kisses Roxas like he was dying.

Demyx _is_ surprised when Roxas kisses it back with equal almost-emotion.

_Is_ surprised when Roxas pulls away, only enough to breathe in deep and call Demyx into the middle.

**Nine-**

Axel and Demyx and Roxas.

Fire and Water and Heart?

Three different kinds of wrong and right and nothing.

They kiss and touch like nothing should.

As though, despite all, nothings like them could.

**Ten-**

Roxas is restless as it fights.

Axel is cautious as it plans.

Demyx is worried as it watches.

Nobody's can't feel. Can't be. Can't love.

But eight and nine know heartaches warning.

And thirteen is never so sure it's a defect, as when the idea of leaving hurts something inside it doesn't have.

**Eleven-**

Heart is imposable.

Non-existent Roxas, kissing Nobody's into reality.

Making something's, out of nothings.

But Roxas isn't a 'he'. Roxas is an 'it'.

A nothing. A nobody. A shell. A remnant.

Even if, once-upon-a-time, Roxas was a somebody with a heart.

**Twelve-**

"No one would miss me," it tells itself more than fire.

Ignores the whisper chasing after him like a wraith.

"I would," insane notions from a nobody Roxas kissed into a somebody.

"Roxas, come back to us," Demyx begs.

Not to Xemnas, not Siax. Back to Fire and Water and pretty little lies.

'You can't reach me,' it whispers inside a real somebody's mind.

**Thirteen-**

It doesn't even scream.

Not through this pain, this ache, this heartbreak inside.

It doesn't have the chance to cry.

Even as eight and nine appear and fade.

Even as thirteen wishes so frightfully, with all the heart that wasn't his, that Sora's soul would hurry and consume him.

**(...end...)**


End file.
